If your relationship has ended through divorce, you understandably may be in a lot of pain. Your brain needs to process what happened so that you will not find yourself in that position again. Secondly, you need to work through a forgiveness process to move on with your life. Following this four-step approach can help.
Acknowledge your Pain and Hurt
Psychologists disagree on the definition of forgiveness, but most acknowledge that forgiveness is a gift you need to give yourself before being emotionally and physically healthy. The first step is to acknowledge the pain that you are feeling. It is part of the human experience. Since this is a painful situation, find someone to talk to about what you are feeling. If you do not have such a person in your life, then a psychologist can help.
Identify the Hook That is Stopping Closure
If you have ever turned over a book and read the back cover or the inside flap and instantly knew that you had to have that book, then you have experienced a hook. You need to discover the hook that is holding you to the relationship. Often, journaling can be a great way to identify the hook. Once you have it identified, you can develop a plan to replace that hook with a positive action that will help you grow personally.
Setting a goal and accomplishing that goal can be an essential step in moving forward. Make sure that your goal is specific, meaningful, attainable, relevant, and timely. Then, reward yourself when you reach the goal.
Work Out Your Feelings
Research shows that writing a letter to the person who ended the relationship about the positive things about the relationship ending is the most effective way to find closure. You may or may not choose to send the letter.
Renounce Your Anger and Resentment
The final step is to renounce your anger and resentment. Realize that it may come back over time, but that you have control of your emotions, so you have the power to tell those emotions to go away.
Why Do You Need Closure?
While the end of a relationship may seem like closure, your brain needs to understand what happened. Without proper closure, you may keep repeating the same cycle, even with a different person. Therefore, you need to seek emotional closure, allowing your brain to have an authentic narrative about what happened. Finding closure is the first step in being ready to open yourself up to a new relationship and strengthening other relationships already in your life. Forgiveness is a meaningful gift that you give yourself after relationship loss. It is a process, and you may need to work through this cycle numerous times. It can be a painful process, but you will emerge a better person ready to enter into a healthier relationship.